Futile Fatalism
If we could read the future it would drive us crazy
The past month has been steeped with uncertainty. Uncertainty over Zephyr’s survival, future and our lives. Will he survive? What will his future look like? Will his personality change? When will he smile at me again? How long will it take to recover? What is the extent of his injuries?
Nobody knows. Even the consultants have admitted they have no idea and no longer dare to play God by predicting his long-term outcome.
“Even if we could read the future, would it be of any benefit to know what would happen?” one of Zephyr’s doctors mused in Cardiff.
In Ancient Greek mythology, heroes and villains often consorted with Oracles to provide insight into the future. The prophecies were usually a curse rather than a cure. Most infamously, Oedipus unwittingly fulfilled a prophecy by killing his father and marrying his mother, despite his father’s best efforts to avoid his tragic fate.
I do agree that if we knew our future it would drive us to madness. Without the uncertainty and chaos of life, what would be left to exist for? How would we be driven to try new things or reshape our destiny if our lives were already written for us?
Leaning into uncertainty and surrendering to the process is one of the core components of the yogic teachings I try to follow. It runs against the Western approach of trying to control the future through planning and anxious plotting.
If I didn’t surrender to the process and accepted Zephyr where he was each day, I would have gone mad by now. As I gaze into his blue eyes and let go of the external world, I feel incredibly calm and happy. I can see his progress and his will to live, and that’s all I need. I don’t want an inaccurate prognosis, I just want him to keep showing up and trying every day.
Agonising over the future and holding onto ideas over what should happen will always make me unhappy. I need to live each day. Live fully by embracing the beauty, sadness and happiness that comes with each rotation of the earth.
I was told before I gave birth that my child would be my greatest teacher. I was skeptical over the powers of a tiny baby, but the prophecy was soon fulfilled. Zephyr has taught me more than I could ever have expected. He’s shown such a strong will to survive, hope in the face of death and he led me to find an inner strength I never thought possible.
He’s only just over three months old, but he has suffered greatly. Undoubtedly more than I have in my 28 spins around the sun. If I had the opportunity to read his future, I would never take it. The certainty would take away the wonders he shows me every day.
Beautifully written!